It’s been a month of holiday and my visa has not been released yet. It’s a poor thing for me to waste 30 days of doing almost nothing. Luckyly i went for the 3 days seminar in Kuantan which could be considered as holiday.
I’ve been waiting and checking the International office almost everyday. and it’s either a no or an empty promise. It’s very hard to be in a ‘go-back-home’ and ‘can’t-do-anything’ mode at the same time. Not that i don’t want to work, but if i took a job, i know that i won’t be going back home coz my passport could be done anytime and I won’t want to go home because i’ll enjoy the work more (knowing that i won’t do anything back home also). So i decided not to trouble myself further. I just stay at home and wait.
In the mean time, I’ve been committed to myself to go back two days after i receive my passport, so that i have enough time to clean up the mess in the house and plan the route to go back (the cheapest way). Only two days back, monday 19th June, i was told that i might be getting my passport today (21st) in the evening. Then I realized that if i get my passport today, i’ll be going back on Friday 23 June 2006 which is the same exact date when my first time coming here to study. And more things happen that day which become my turning point in life. A day which is ’specially’ designed by the Most-Authority to keep reminding me that I’m not coming here for fun. It was a day after a five days waiting (i was supposed to come here for the orientation day on 18 June, but late visa arrangement allowed me only to go after 23 June). It was the day when i was in the most dilemma. It was the day that makes my cry for unexpected reason. It was a day when on the way to get a permition from my grandfather in the Hospital ended-up seeing him for the last time of my life. Yet, I could not follow the rest of the family to his burial because the flight has been waiting for me to take off. Alone. Coming to this country with knowing no one. I’ve learned to be tough.
Since then, If I started loosing my focus on study, I will always reflect on the day i came here. It helps. But sometimes I was overwhelmed by excitements of going out, wasting money and neglecting the prayers, and in return, things start happening to me. I start forgetting and loosing my stuff, spending for nothing and so on. There was this time when I lost 5 things in five days in a row (luckyly some of them came back). few days after, the great tsunami in Aceh happened and all my family was there at that time. it added more points for reflection as i was scared too the most.
A day before my birthday last year an earthquake happen in North Sumatera. I could feel the tremor in Ridzuan and was panicking coz i couldn’t get to my family as the phone line was disrupted for few hours. luckyly all my family were in a vacation in Yogyakarta.
Hopefullly these signs are just enough to keep reminding me of the purpose of living in the world and not ending up in misery of my own faults. In a way, I mensyukuri that I was still reminded.
I’m going down to check my passport now, and If I can get it today probably it is true that this journey is designated to be my journey of reflection. Even if i can’t get it, I’m still glad that I can write this ‘co-insidence’ and be reminded forever.
6.21.06 / 2am
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